Life is hard, ya know? Today was a tough day. I didn’t lose my patience with Delia (my one year old daughter), but I do feel that quarantine life is starting to catch up with me. I know of Covid fatigue, maybe you’ve heard of it? Essentially people, experts, those who may know a thing or two at this time have summed up Covid fatigue as “…We’re tired of being cooped up, tired of being careful, tired of being scared. Our collective fatigue is making some people careless – one reason COVID-19 is rising sharply again in California and throughout the U.S.” According to the UC Davis Health Newsroom and I think I’m starting to hit my wall. I admit I’m an introvert, I have social anxiety, but in saying that I also know I am high in intrapersonal intelligence-
With high intrapersonal intelligence I feel I have been able to fair this storm a bit better than some ans I have also been able to help others, but today was tough. To those who may not know, my husband and I are raising a beautiful little girl, she’s one, so just recently she has entered the toddler stage- what a wonderful stage, but we also have two roommates (by choice). We decided to let this other married couple move back in with us (oh yes, we’ve been on this ride before), for safety, companionship, and general concern of what 2020 may have brought our way. They moved in July 2020 and by September 2020 the Honeymoon phase was over.
Mind you, this is not a sh*t talking post- I have every inclination that to them everything has been acceptable, but we came into this arrangement under the assumption of us becoming a family, not roommates, not just friends, but family. I know enough about all of our familial backgrounds that I understand what “family” may mean for them- I feel they definitely tried in the beginning to match our expectation of family, but they could only go so far before they rebounded as their familial backgrounds were/are not as positive as mine or my husbands.
I understand. My husband and I feel like we are not welcome in our own home, that we are the burden, the nuisance. They have made me feel like I am a bad mother because my daughter is not quiet enough. I speak to her when she yells, “Miss Baby, I am right here, you do not need to yell.” She is learning to speak more and more everyday, if you listen carefully you may hear “sit”, “yes”, “no;no;no”, “chair”, “shoes”- I love my daughter. We were suppose to be a family. They broke my heart. I’ve always known we were different, but our core values were the same. I think that is becoming less and less true everyday- I understand Covid fatigue hits everyone differently, but throughout my life I’ve always believed in the words of Maya Angelou, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
I do not know where my husband and I are going to go from here. I do know my daughter comes first and yes, I am intentionally not sharing every instance, example, or slight as I am not one for retribution or pettiness. I try to always lead with love, compassion, and understanding- I just hope and pray that whatever the outcome that they do the same. Thank you, Dear Reader.