So, it’s been a full week and a few days now that our roommates have moved out. Our house is ours again and yes, it does feel so much better here. There is still talk of them of course- concerned family members who just want to know how everything went to my husband and I just discussing this or that, questions that we will probably never get answers to, and that’s okay. That is life.
I’m not sure what to say at the moment, it’s maddening- it is/was very clear that we never changed (I mean that truly in the sense that our core values, demeanor, communication, etc. stayed consistent throughout the friendship and second living together situation). I guess I should give a quick recap-
The super condensed version is as follows: Husband had two friends, one he had known since 7th grade and the other freshman year of high school. Those two friends were dating when Husband and I started dating and he moved in with them once he came back to town. Husbands grandfather suddenly passed away, leaving a dog behind and a house. He asked friends (this will from now on be the term referring to the two for clarification purposes) if they would like to move into his grandpas house with him- there were perks as he and I hadn’t been dating long so I was not moving in so he would let them have the master bedroom, rent was reasonable and would be split 50/50, etc. I eventually moved in and we decided to buy a house together, we still made it clear that friends were welcome to move with us, in which they did.
They eventually moved out the first time as they had gotten married at this point, we were looking to get married soon, and we were also planning on having children- so rooms were needed. Mind you there was some drama surrounding this as they did not seem as ready to move as we thought they would be, as well as, there seemed to be a lot of miscommunication amongst everyone- mind you I really like to talk, I am very open, and I don’t like when things are unclear. More so, it was a odd lack of communication amongst the friends (I would tell friend A, assume they were telling friend B, but the buck was stopping at them). I tell Husband everything- I have a very good memory, enjoy talking, and understand how important communication is in all or any types of relationships. Before our wedding they moved out, one was best man, and a bridesmaid, things seemed fine.
Covid-19 and quarantine hit plus other worrisome events were happening. Eventually it was brought up about all of us living together again and getting a bigger house and subsequently combining families (friends had decided that they did want a child after many years of being adamant about not having children), no problem- it seemed reasonable. We decided that they could move in again and we would have a year trial run of sharing household items, groceries, and working on communicating and being a family. Hindsight- we all came from different familial backgrounds but I had really hoped they were truly being honest and wanted to be a family by my definition and subsequently my husbands. My family, at least my immediate family and sisters are quite close. We get along well enough, we enjoy each others company, we like to talk, laugh, and spend time with each other. My husband and his family aren’t as emotionally close but they enjoy each others company quite well. I thought we were all on the same page (also we already had our little girl by this time, when they moved in she was about 9 months).
…I don’t like putting too much of friends business out there, but I think it is important to mention one of the friends came from an unfortunate family background where both of their parents have severe trauma in their past, friend also has similar trauma in their past, two current autoimmune conditions/diseases, and a couple of consistent mental health ailments (one of which we bonded over in the beginning of our friendship as both of our diagnoses were in a similar vein). I don’t have many friends, but the ones I do I hold them to a high standard as I hold myself and I make sure as much as possible to know that they have a good heart and want to grow, change, and be better than they were yesterday. So…this time things went to sh*t, friends mental health took a deep dive and at a certain point it was decided on their part that we were not to be allowed in anymore. It was upsetting because one friend is clearly in a bad mental state that is not sustainable and the other has decided to overcompensate for them. They are both unhealthy and now, I can not help my friends in any capacity. I have to let go, I have to move on, and pray…thoughts and prayers, right?
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